गर्लफ़्रेंड ना बना पाने से निराश छात्र हुआ बज़रंग दल में शामिल, अब करेगा वैलेंटाईन डे का विरोध

ज़ैसे जैसे वैलेंटाईन डे नजदीक आ रहा है, आइएसएम के छात्रों में नैतिकता और राष्ट्रवादिता का संचार हो रहा है। इन्हीं भावनाओं के वशीभूत होकर द्वितीय वर्ष के छात्र हनुमान प्रसाद ने बीते शनिवार को बजरंग दल की सदस्यता ग्रहण की। सूत्रों के मुताबिक हनुमान प्रसाद पिछले 15 सालों से अपने लिए एक गर्लफ़्रेंड की तलाश कर रहा था, लेकिन आज तक उसे अपने प्रयासों में कोई सफ़लता नहीं मिली। हर बार 14 फ़रवरी का बेसब्री से इतंजार करने वाले हनुमान को इस बार जाके अपने प्रयासों की व्यर्थता का बोध हुआ।

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हालांकि हनुमान की उम्मीदें इस बार भी 12 तारीख तक वर्चुयल कैंडी, रोज़, ग्रीटिंग कार्ड और टेडी जैसी चीज़ों के सहारे जिंदा थी, लेकिन जब हनुमान ने अपने आस-पास के सभी चुन्नू-मुन्नू और झन्डुओं को उनकी गर्लफ़्रेंड के साथ देखा तो उसके दिल पर गहरा आघात लगा। और इन्हीं झन्डुओं से बदला लेने के लिए हनुमान प्रसाद ने बजरंग दल में शामिल होने का निर्णय लिया। हनुमान को उम्मीद है कि इन committed लड़के-लड़कियों को सबक सिखाने के बहाने वो पिछले 15 सालों से अपने दिल में छिपे गुबार को बाहर निकाल पाएगा।

बजरंग दल की आइएसएम इकाई के संयोजक नितेशानन्द दत्तात्रेय ने बताया कि बजरंग दल के दरवाजे उन सभी छात्रों के लिए खुले हैं जिनके पास 14 फ़रवरी को करने के लिए कुछ नहीं है। 14 फ़रवरी के दिन ऐसे छात्रों को हाथ में जूते-चप्पल देकर Ruby lane, Main Canteen, Library और SAC में तैनात कर दिया जाएगा ताकि ये लड़की के साथ दिखाई देने वाले लौंडों की GPL कर सकें। स्वामी दत्तात्रेय के अनुसार बजरंग दल में शामिल होने वाले सभी छात्रों को भारतीय संस्कृति के पहरेदार और राष्ट्रवादी होने का प्रमाण-पत्र भी दिया जाएगा।        

First written for ismdiaries.com

12 Students Suspended for Celebrating Birthday without GPL

 GPL in ISM Dhanbad    GPL in engineering
In a huge shock to the whole engineering fraternity, 12 students of ISM (Institute of Single Males) celebrated a birthday without GPL. The college authorities took immediate notice of this shocking act and suspended everyone involved in the birthday celebration.

This stunning event took place on the birthday of Padhaku Teja - the notorious 10 pointer of the college. It was around 11:50 pm when Lallan Jha2 – the GPL specialist of ISM who has successfully performed GPL of more than 400 students, set out on his daily birthday/GPL hunt. When Jha2 finally reached Maggu Wing, he heard some strange voice of “Happy birthday to you” coming from a room. Stimulated by this opportunity, Jha2 rushed to the room but he was left mind-blown when he peeked inside the room.

Instead of preparing for GPL, students were greeting Padhaku and were eagerly waiting to cut the cake. However, Jha2 took pity on the starved students and decided to wait outside the room. After 10-15 minutes, all the students came out of the room and started dancing to the tunes of Honey Singh’s Volume-1. Still seeing no signs of GPL, Jha2 completely lost his mind and went to call his friends.
Jha2 returned with his 5 friends. They all had leather belts and chappals in their hands. Padhaku saw them coming. Sensing their bad motives, he immediately ran from the place. Jha2 and his friends followed him but they couldn’t catch him. For the entire night, they searched every room of the hostel but remained unable to find Padhaku. Jha2 couldn’t endure this blow on his self-respect; next morning, he went to the dean office and narrated this inhumane act in detail.

“What! ....... How? ............ How could they ……?” was the reaction of the surprised dean. “At first I didn’t believe him, how can any student leave the golden chance of beating his friend?” the dean told our reporters, “but then Jha2 requested me to myself check Padhaku’s body”. After that, dean himself went to Padhaku’s room and minutely examined his body parts. Not finding any mark of GPL, the dean asked Jha2 the names of everyone present in Padhaku’s room that night. Dean first called the parents of the students and informed them about the in-disciplinary acts of their children. Then he issued an order suspending the students. “These students are a blot on the face of engineering, what message do they want to give to society?” said the dean.

Meanwhile, some of the suspended students told our reporters the reasons for abstaining from Padhaku’s GPL. “I had not eaten anything for the last 15 days, I was surviving on only RD's tea. Padhaku had threatened me not to give any piece from the birthday cake if I were to forcefully do his GPL,” said one of the suspended students while justifying his acts.

PS: I wrote this article for ismdiaries.com. GPL culture in IITs and ISM Dhanbad. What is GPL?
      

Karunanidhi changes his name as it had Sanskrit origins and thus against Tamil culture

Chennai. DMK boss Karunanidhi today gave a sharp reply to his critics who were calling him a hypocrite for his Sanskrit originating name despite being a virulent opponent of everything Sanskrit, Hindi, and Hindu.

In a move that comes as a slap on all Hindi speakers, he changed his name from Karunanidhi to Compassion. Karunanidhi alias Compassion, later clarified that he was not aware that ‘Karunanidhi’ was a Sanskrit word, else he would have taken this decision long back and helped Tamil Nadu reach new level of self-respect and self-awareness. 

Sources tell Faking News that Karunanidhi was browsing Facebook early the morning on his smartphone, when he came across a post that described the meaning and origin of the word ‘Karunanidhi’.

The 90-year-old leader immediately flung the phone on the floor with his full force. Out of acute pain, which arose out of this insult to his self-respect, he emitted such a deep and loud cry that people up to the distance of 5 kms were forced out of their sleep. Doctors had to give him sedatives and sleeping pills to control the situation.

But within one hour, he regained his consciousness and ordered for a press conference. He immediately announced that he was changing his name to Compassion to save the Tamil culture. On being asked what the relation is between Tamil culture and the English word Compassion, he didn’t say anything.

When this Faking News reporter asked, “How the word Karunanidhi is against Tamil culture?” Karunanidhi angrily shouted – “DON’T SPEAK THAT WORD.”

Post this revelation by the party patriarch, some DMK supporters are now claiming that they lost the last elections due to the word Karunanidhi’s relation with Sanskrit.

“But better late than never. We have again shown that DMK is the only party which respects Tamil culture. We have left AIADMK miles behind. We challenge Jayalalithaa to change her name,” said an excited supporter of DMK.

If sources are to be believed, Jayalalithaa is very worried due to this incident and is contemplating a similar name change process to show that AIADMK also respects Tamil culture.

Note: This article was also posted on Faking News

Karunanidhi changes his name as it had Sanskrit origins and thus against Tamil culture